A dream I had last night …

A class was being held in my basement, and I went downstairs to check on it as I felt that something was not going well. When I reached the bottom of the stairs, the lights went off and the room sank into darkness. I was seized with fear. I vaulted up the stairs and huddled in the corner of my kitchen. A man came up and walked past me. In the near dark, I could see that he was tall and trim. I was very afraid, but when he came near me I decided to go on the offensive and attack. I lunged at him and started swinging. I punched him over and over, but soon noticed my blows were not having much effect. My fists would sink into his face, but then pop back out as if he were a rubber doll.

I felt a voice rise from deep within me. “He is a part of you. Stop trying to kill him.” I reluctantly dropped my fists and cringed, waiting for the blows to fall. But he didn’t move. I didn’t know what to do next, but felt I needed to look him in the eyes. I grabbed his hands in mine and we stood facing each other, but he wouldn’t meet my gaze, looking down and away, anywhere but at me. I twisted and turned, pulling at his hands, trying to get my eyes in front of his, to no avail.

After a few moments he dropped to the floor. I still held his hands but he was pulling away from me, curling into a fetal position. I felt that he was slipping away, that I was losing him and this opportunity to know him. I started to panic. Suddenly I knew what to do. I stopped trying to make him do what I wanted and instead gently placed my hands on his body and said, “I accept you,” as my heart filled with love and compassion. “I accept you exactly the way you are.”

In an instant I was looking into his clear, hazel eyes. My eyes. They gazed at me and I stared back, hypnotized. They were full of wordless wisdom and a deep, soulful gratitude.

I sensed that someone was coming. Someone who did not know of or understand these things. I touched him gently and said, “I have to go now, but I will see you again.”

And then I was awake in bed, heart thudding in my chest, wondering what part of me I had just welcomed home.