Sophie has reflux, bad. Think projectile vomiting from the mouth and nose, silent reflux, lots of crying, etc. I have cut dairy from my diet with no sign of improvement. I went the total elimination route with M and am not eager to try it again. I am also trying desperately to avoid medicating her. We have been doing an herbal tincture of slippery elm for the past week with decent results. The problem is it needs to be given on an empty stomach (roughly 1 hour before or after nursing her), and she can’t go longer than 4 hours between doses or things start to get out of control. It seems like it shouldn’t be that big a deal, but trying to meet those two criteria have proven to be next to impossible, especially at night. I am up feeding her, then up again (and waking her) to give a dose. I’ve gotten hardly any sleep the last few nights. Not to mention the fact that she positively hates the stuff, and it breaks my heart to give it to her.

So today I made an hour drive to our holistic pediatrician to get a homeopathic remedy (Unda #46, probably not available over the counter anywhere) in the hopes it will make things easier. I can give it to her topically, so that eliminates the problems with the taste and having to wake her. I started her on it a few hours ago and the jury is still out on the effectiveness. It has been nearly 4 hours since her last dose of slippery elm and she is not screaming her head off – good sign. She has nursed, burped and spit up a little, again with no screaming – good sign. But when I have things under control with the slippery elm, she doesn’t spit up at all. And I can usually set her down once she falls asleep and that is not going so well this afternoon. So I’m hesitant to sing the praises of the homeopathic just yet.

And to make things even more fun, I have birthed yet another gassy child. But right now, that is the least of my concerns.

The physical fatigue is very difficult, but even harder is seeing my beautiful, precious baby in pain and feeling very confused about what I should do for her. I finally broke down at 6 AM this morning and had a good cry. I feel like no matter what I do I’m doing the wrong thing. Do nothing and she suffers. Going with prescription medication feels so very terribly wrong to me. Use the slippery elm and it works, but sometimes I have to let her be hungry for 30+ minutes because I just gave a dose and know if I nurse her it won’t work. And the look on her face when I give it. Add in the fact that I’m not getting any sleep, and it just doesn’t seem like a feasible alternative. So that leaves the homeopathic for now. Needless to say, I am hoping with all my might that it works for us.

Things were going so smoothly for us in the beginning, and I really felt like I finally knew what it was like to have a baby instead of living a nightmare. And now the train is off the tracks again, and I feel like I’m right back where I was with M, albeit with different circumstances. But the same overwhelming exhaustion and constant questioning about what I’m doing are all there.

I can only pray we pull through this soon. Very, very soon.