The first thought I had when I received this email was that I had to post it here. But then I reconsidered because it seemed so … bitchy. But after reading it again, I just have to do it. I will make myself feel less bitchy by not revealing the name of the company.

Hi there,

I’ve been buying bath products from you for a while now, and I was going to order some more bar soap but I can’t find it on your site. Have you stopped making it, or am I overlooking it somehow?

Thanks!
Gearhead Mama

me

Hi,

The bar soaps are temporarily unavailable, though we will be bringing them back. Hard to say when, exactly, but we expect it to be on the order of a few weeks. A recent batch of materials from one of our suppliers was damaged in shipping, so that’s left us unexpectedly in a bit of a fix. We’ll notify you by email when the bar soaps are back. Sorry about that!

Thank you so much for your interest and support!

The Anonymous Company team

anonymous company

Thank you for your reply. I want to thank you for all that you do, and the hard work you put into your wonderful products. My husband thought it was a good idea to let my 19 month old “play” with the soap the other day. You can imagine her dismay when she took a big bite out of it! Despite the crying and the tears (apparently it doesn’t taste so good!), I felt no concern about the possible toxins she had ingested, because I knew the soap came from you, had no chemicals in it, and was food-grade organic.

I just wanted to let you know how much we appreciate what you do!

me

Dear Gearhead Mama,

Thanks for your nice letter.

Please note that, while our soaps are indeed made from organic oils, the soaps are still SOAP — not food!

Soap is great and an effective traditional cleansing product that is safe for cleansing the skin, but it is not intended for eating and could give baby an upset stomach if baby ate a lot of it. It’s really not such a good idea to let a baby (or other human or pet) eat soap. We also don’t recommend allowing babies to handle soap because when the soap gets wet, which is very likely to happen with a baby, baby will then get soap on her hands and then in her eye and it will sting and make baby unhappy and mom unhappy when baby cries. It’s best to keep soap out of the hands of young children.

Take care,

The team at Anonymous Company

anonymous company

Okay. Maybe I didn’t clarify that my daughter was smart enough to spit the soap out after she bit it off. But really. Did they honestly believe they needed to write me a letter explaining that soap is not intended for consumption? Or that it will sting the eyes? Did they need to inform me that soap is not an appropriate toy for a toddler? Did they not hear the sarcasm in my words and see the quotes around the word “play” when I explained my husband’s less than brilliant choice? Or do they just automatically route all of their emails to the company lawyer?

I am so insulted that I almost don’t want to buy their products anymore. Almost, but not quite.