Internet, I have a confession. I’m addicted to you. Email, forums, blogs. I can’t get enough.
There are some positives to this. I learn about great books, products and ideas. I’ve made some good “real life” friends through the internet. I participate in communities that are there to answer my questions and support me when I need it. I read blogs – that’s reading! Reading is good! And I write on my own blog. Writing is good! But there are some negatives too. Like the fact that I spend every spare, waking moment glued to my monitor. We finally got high speed a few months ago, and I had this foolish idea that it would reduce my time online, because I could do all the things I used to do, in less time. Ha. It was like graduating from smoking pot to mainlining smack. Dial-up. The Gateway Drug.
I used to watch a lot of TV. About 6 years ago, it dawned on me that I was pouring an inordinate amount of my life into that box. And then complaining that I never had time to do anything – like read, or exercise, or cook, or hang out with friends. So I quit. Cold turkey. For the first week it felt all weird, and I had cravings – actual cravings! – to turn the damn thing back on. Now that I wasn’t busy wondering if Ross and Rachel were going to get back together, I was suddenly faced with my own life. And there was nothing to distract me from it. Not that it was horrible or awful or anything like that. I just wasn’t used to being all alone with it.
After a while I got used to it, and the need for the mind-numbing services of the TV receded – although I never did find all that spare time I thought would materialize. But now, I’m beginning to think the computer has become the new TV. Every day I swear I’ll be on for just a few minutes. Just to check my email. And that one question I posted on a forum, to see if anyone answered. I set M on the floor with her toys, and promise I’ll play with her when I’m done, maybe we’ll take a walk. Two hours later I look up bleary-eyed, M hanging on my leg and realize it’s time for her nap, I haven’t gone to the grocery store, the laundry isn’t done, our will still isn’t signed, the college fund hasn’t been investigated, there are no quotes for powerwashing the deck, and my doctor’s appointment hasn’t been made. And my darling daughter. Bless her for playing all by herself, but really, shouldn’t I spend more time with her? Okay, I’ll put her down for her nap and take care of some of that stuff. And when she gets up, we’ll go for that walk. Uh-huh. You all know what happens next.
The scary thing is, I’m not even doing half the stuff I want to do online. There’s a photography forum where you can post pictures and get constructive criticism. I’m afraid to even visit, knowing I won’t come up for air for hours. And blogs, there are so many amazing blogs. Wonderful, witty, poignant, funny blogs. I could get lost in blogs for months. It frightens me that I’m exercising restraint, and still feel totally out of control.
I don’t think giving up the internet is the answer. But I’ve let it go to far. I let my time on the internet replace other important things in my life. I owe it to M – and myself – to bring more balance into my life.
I haven’t figured out a solution yet. Suggestions are welcome.